• Mr. I’m-going-to-be-your-friend-for-a-long-time-and-invite-you-to-the-movies-like-normal-friends-do-and-kiss-you-during-the-movie-and-never-again-speak-of-what-happened-to-this-day.(mind you, this happened years ago, we’re still friends, and it still hasn’t been spoken of)

• Mr. I’m-going-to-come-over-to-your-house-every-now-and-then-and-make-out-with-you-and-say-sweet-things-through-texts-so-you-can-fall-for-me-until-you-realize-I’m-only-using-you-for-my-entertainment.

• Mr. I’m-going-to-be-your-summer-fling-while-you’re-on-vacation-in-a-different-country-then-contact-you-years-later (someone please tell me how this guy got my contact info) asking-you-if-you-would-do-me-the-favor-of-marrying-me-so-that-I-could-get-legal-documentation-to-live-in-the-U.S.(THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENED).

• Mr. I’m-going-to-make-you-fall-intensely-for-me-and-not-do-anything-about-it-even-though-I-have-feelings-for-you-as-well-because-I’m-so-convinced-you-could-do-so-much-better-even-though-we’d-obviously-be-just-beautiful-together.-(this is still the case by the way) 

• Mr. I’m-going-to-take-what-you-said-about-me-being-your-boyfriend-seriously-even-though-you-were-clearly-drunk-and-use-my-feelings-for-you-as-a-guilt-trip-to-make-you-kiss-me-and-then-proceed-to-complain-about-how-you-bite-when-you-kiss-which-will-just-make-you-positive-that-you-don’t-want-to-date-me.

• Mr. I’m-going-to-come-out-of-nowhere-and-flip-our-entire-friendship-on-its-head-by-confessing-that-I’ve-liked-you-for-the-longest-and-pretty-much-ruin-our-friendship-because-now-its-completely-awkward.

• Mr. I’m-going-to-confess-that-I’ve-liked-you-since-I-met-you-and-tell-you-a-bunch-of-bullshit-about-how-we-could-be-an-item-if-we-took-things-slow-and-steady-but-then-go-behind-your-back-to-your-friends-and-tell-them-how I-“can-get-all-the-bitches”-and-think-that-I-can-pull-the-suave-card-without-you-finding-out-even-though-it-was-your-own-friends-that-I-told.

This is my life.